Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your faith in me
was severely damaged by my comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic prank.
You must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to fathom. And I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond.
But I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at church.
And to remember that I am first and foremost your
only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.
I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that I'm going to use again on someone else.