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3/26
To vikas,
you are sucha ass... as im writing this now, i dont have an idea on what’s going to happen. i feel like you’re leading me on, making me believe that everything’s going to be okay when i feel like it will not be okay. you keep on promising me forever. you keep on telling me that im the one you love. im trying to understand everything. before all of this happened, we were good. we were happy. it seemed like nothing could go wrong. i trusted you. i believed in you. you said you’re not like a lot of guys who play with girls’ hearts. oh well, you played with mine.

if you really loved me, you would not have cheated. you would not have gotten a girl pregnant. you are saying that you don’t want to marry her but still you’re marrying her because there’s no way to get out of the situation is more along the lines of BS. you’re old enough to decide for yourself. have you not thought of me? oh well. that explains a lot, right? you love me but you dont love me enough to fight for me. who cares what other people think? no one’s keeping you away from your responsibility as a father. no one. not even me. BUT do you really have to marry her just to save your face from everyone? well.

you are asking me to wait for you. yeah, because one day we’ll be together, you said. when i ask when, you always just answer with “someday.” you ask me to hang on. you ask me to stay. you tell me you can’t lose me. BUT what are you doing? how nice of you to text me in the morning and tell me you love me and you miss me and then just go through the day MIA. wow. you call me to check if im still alive. well yeah, i am still alive and slowly realizing the crap you’ve been putting me through. all i ask of you is to make up your mind about this. you cant have your cake and eat it too. you cant have both. i am not an option. not a second choice. not a backup plan.

im not crying anymore. why should i waste my tears on someone who plays/played me for a fool? oh. well maybe you loved me. i dont know. im not so sure about that anymore. you love me? i dont know. oh, i know. you dont. you just want someone to be there for you when everything goes wrong.

somehow, it’s a blessing in disguise to not be with you. you lied to me, cheated on me, promised me forever. talk is cheap. im so lucky that im not the girl you impregnated. she’s going to get married to someone who cant make up his mind, someone who cant fight for what he wants, someone who cheats and lies, someone who’s not man enough to decide for himself. i dont regret loving you. it was a wonderful thing. i do regret believing in you. by the way, you were great. great at making a girl feel she’s the only one in your life.

im not going to wait for you. deal with your problem. alone. i dont have to suffer. i’ve been very honest with you. i never cheated. i loved you dearly. it’s not like i never did anything wrong to you. i had my shortcomings too but i was loyal. you played with fire. so deal with that. one day someone’s going to come to my life. he’ll love me truly. he will not cheat on me. he will fight for me. he will not keep me hanging. when he promises forever, he will stay true to his words. he’s someone who will not stay silent when he’s pressured. someone who does not go missing in action because he does not know how to deal with things. someone who does not hurt a girl’s heart this much. do you honestly think you can be happy after what you did to me? karma’s just around the corner waiting for you.

ive had enough of this BS. you cant have me and have her too. in a few days, let’s see what will happen. BUT one thing’s for sure, i will be moving on with grace and dignity. MOVING ON FROM YOU AND YOUR VICIOUS WAYS. i dont deserve this kind of treatment from anyone. dont think that because i love you, i will always be there for you. go, suffer. you’re just a part of my past now. not like im going to die without you.

one day i’ll get married to someone i love, to someone who loves me too. that will be the best wedding ever because no one’s heart will be trampled in the process. everyone will be happy for us. we’ll have beautiful babies who will be born out of love (and not out of inebriation).

i’ll be married to someone who’s not like you. he’ll give me a life that you can never give me — a happy life, happy family, honest relationship.

i lost you but it’s not a loss after all. so goodbye now.
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