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10/3
To Heart,
Name, I know this is a bit late and may or may not mean much to you but it would to me. With it being a time between (holiday) and (holiday) when people apologize and forgive, starting off new with no hard feelings, I want to say that I'm sincerely sorry for the way things worked out, or didn't, between us. I apologize for the immature way I dealt with situations and for the times I've ever hurt you in any way, I honestly didn't mean to and hope you could forgive me. It's not like this was a sudden realization, I've known for a while now but couldn't really bring myself to apologize. But if I've learned anything through my past stubborn mentality, it's that the fear of rejection hurt me along with others around me, keeping me from creating lasting friendships bonds and experiences I'd never know about, and causing me to mistreat those around me. I know I owed you this long ago when it would've mattered more, and I understand everything has it's given time frame, but just a sincere apology I hope can be given. Truth is, the past is a blur now, something I both hoped it would and wouldn't be, but I remember how it felt through those months full of many great memorable moments and many to learn and grow from. I know there were times I acted immature, specifically the times I turned away when things got a bit complicated or didn't flow naturally. I admit to fearing rejection and feeling that if I were the one to walk away, I wouldn't give you the chance to hurt me (not implying that you would, I trust you wouldn't but I'm not sure what was going on in my mind then soo..) That mentality however quickly proved itself wrong and left me, excuse the term, mindfucked, and it may have done so to you too but I'd never know. I allowed intuition to guide me when I should've given things a second thought or chance. I don't want to get into a blame game, but I admit to being the one who didn't give the friendship the chance it deserved, but also felt hurt when you did nothing to pursue it when I couldn't, probably being the reason why I didn't feel welcomed back anymore. I can't just expect you to know these things and I wouldn't blame you for seeing me as someone less than I am, because that's the image I was placing in your mind time after time. I'm thankful for having met you, in the randomest way, and for the ways I've changed for the better and all the things that have subcontiously been added to my life through my experiences with you, from appreciating more to judging less and noticing the beauty in what you have before it's gone to elevated self respect and oh compassion, especially (volunteer program) and (buddy I volunteer for) who I'm constantly with. Feels like I'm writing about a lifetime ago, I know this is all long gone and I'm sorry for lost time. Whether this changes anything or becomes just another overlooked memory, it's enough for me just knowing I've told you. But when so much is constantly overlooked, I won't expect this to set things right or makeup for the past, but I do hope things improve in the future if our paths ever cross again. By the way, not sure if you're still a fan of long texts, so apologies for that in advance.. I genuinely love you and wish the best for you and hope you'll have an easy and meaningful fast and a sweet new memorable year followed by many more.
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