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11/24
To A.,
I can never say sorry enough for how manipulative and controlling I was to you. I should have given you more space and I shouldn't have tried to tell you who you could and couldn't be friends with. I know I did a lot of inexcusable stuff, including lying to you. I told myself and you that I would never give you a reason to want to walk away from me, but I did anyway. I got too caught up in trying to make things even better that I didn't stop to think about one specific thing you told me. You thought things were moving TOO fast. In my idiotic tendencies, I didn't notice it until I lost you. Losing you is the dumbest thing I have ever done. I hope and pray that I have not killed any feelings you had for me. I still love you. I know you've told me you need time and that I need to leave you alone and I can respect that. I just want you to know that when I told you a couple of weeks ago I would correct everything bad I did to you, I meant it (The stuff I listed isn't everything). I've started talking with my pastor every Sunday after our service about my past and what it did to me. He says that I need to accept the past, but keep it just that. The past. What really mattered is how I treat you. He told me that all of the manipulation, all of the control, was something I should not have let creep into our relationship and I wholeheartedly agree. There is a reason I am telling you this. I am letting all of my bad relationships in the past go. But not ours because it was good. Yes, I did things that I'm not proud of, but I still see it as good. I want to prove to you that I am fixing it, so I am more than willing to give you time, but I also hope that I can make it to where you see that I am going to change. I've promised it before, but lost sight of the goal. This time is serious. I lost the most beautiful girl on Earth;​ I lost the only girl I've ever loved. Believe me when I say..... I won't be the same controlling, manipulative guy you left the next time I speak to you. I'm sorry for making you leave.
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