I've been writing and re-writing this letter and I didn't know where to start nor did I know how to put what I feel into the right words. This letter might not be perfect nor will it ease your pain or gain you're trust but it's from my heart and I wrote it with the utmost sincerity.
The last couple of years has been difficult for us but I know it's nowhere near as difficult for me as it was for you. Thinking about all the disappointments what I've destroyed and how I betrayed you makes me feel so ashamed, so worthless, so disgraced and so morally reprehensible, I'm filled with bitterness and I'm so angry with myself.
You needed me, more so in the past few years and I have been so blinded by my own selfishness, guilt and pettiness that I've I totally ignored you. All the words I said to you in anger over the years were never meant to be said especially what I said about you having my surname and for labelling you for something that you not and for belittling and disrespecting you in every way. Maybe all the words should have been directed to myself because when I look back you have been nothing but amazing, supportive, loyal, wonderful, and caring.
I'm so sorry for my infidelity for all the lies, the cover ups...taking that which was not mine and taking what I had for granted. I'm so sorry I walked out on you and the children on so many occasions, I'm so sorry for deceiving you, for deceiving your parents my parents and every other person I talked to with regards to us, I'm so sorry for using people's names to get what I want. I'm so sorry for breaking your relationship with your family and with my family all because of my deeds.
I abused your trust and for that I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for walking out when you needed me most and I'm so sorry for not being man enough to face my problems. I'm so sorry for being a dark shadow, a failed husband, a failed father figure to our children. I'm so sorry for my insecurities, placing blame on you for my failures when in fact it was my own doing. I'm so sorry for what I said about our love life, I'm so sorry for my words about what a marriage means to me, I'm so sorry for destroying our symbol of marriage, I'm so sorry for making you feel cheap, I'm so sorry I get angry when you mention things that I brought into our relationship, I'm so sorry that I brought comparisons into our relationship and still have the audacity to fight with you when you start comparing.
I'm so sorry that you had to pay for that which I took, leaving you with debt. The promises, the 'yes I will be there' when I knew I wouldn't, the â€œI'll protect youâ€ when I knew it couldn't, the 'trust me' when I couldn't even trust myself. You needed a husband and I gave you the Devil. You needed happiness and I brought you chaos. How selfish and unthoughtful I have been. I have lied to you and manipulated you my wife, broke promises and destroyed our happiness. You needed me to listen, you needed me as a pillar of strength, a confidant, a man with a plan but I failed you in every way and for that I'm so sorry
I can never give back the time I spent hurting you and If I knew back then what I know now, I would tell that failed man to wake up, be honest and to respect his wife. I would tell him to think before he speaks as words are not easily forgotten. I would tell him to give back every day and to love his wife more and more every day, I would tell him to treat her as if she was the only person in this world that matters. I would tell him not to make broken promises to children who loves him. I would tell him what it is to be a husband and to be grateful every day for having someone that loves him the way you loved him. I would tell him to be thankful every day for having you in his life and for giving him guidance, I would tell him to be thankful for her and her family for taking you in and for loving you as their own. I would tell him to thank God and to count his blessing. I would tell him to be a God fearing man because the same God that is always looking out for him can take everything away from him in a blink of an eye. I would tell him to grow up and to be a leader and to stop following the world. I feel like a failed husband, a failed father figure, a failed son and probably a failed son-in-law. I'm so sorry for failing you. I'm so sorry for walking out on you at times and leaving you with all my responsibilities. I'm so sorry for lying to you. I'm so sorry for deceiving you. I'm so sorry for manipulating you. I'm so sorry for not trusting you enough to be open and honest about everything. You deserved so much more, so much better and I'm sorry I didn't give it to you sooner.
I love you with every fiber of my being and I always will and I need for this marriage to work but I don't know where to start all I know is that I want us back. I want our family back. I want to start the rest of my life with you and only you. I don't want to lose the best friend I ever had nor do I want to lose the only person I really fell in love with.
â€œYOU complete ME"
I hope this letter would be but a small reflection of the regrets I have for the things I've done.
With all my Love