Not a day goes by that I do not regret what transpired between the two of us. I regret everything;​ my jealousy, my instability, my irresponsibility. I know that without a doubt that is the only reason why there is a hole that resembles your shape in my life.

I could criticize and place blame. However, that does me no good. A person of your type is not one to be changed, at least not according to anyone else's needs. You're an independent person;​ you live for yourself and only yourself. I suppose that was one of my bigger mistakes, expecting that I could shape you, even a tiny amount, to my needs. That was something that could not be done.

In the end, I would wager that we were too different. I could not ever hope to understand your apathy, while you would never be able to understand the overwhelmingly intense way things always feel to me. You could call it dramatic, but in reality, there is no filter on my emotions. They always come at me full force, and my major flaw is that I've never been able to numb myself to them or anything else. I do not possess your maturity or emotional fortitude, and repressing such emotions only serves to make me physically ill, to the point where they'll manifest twofold as a result. You never found this appropriate or tolerable. Few people ever do.

During the time we were friends, I ended up repressing so much. I repressed resentment for you going out drinking with your friends, and almost never inviting me. I repressed hatred for Brad, and further resentment toward you for forcing me to interact with him as a condition of interacting with you. I repressed jealousy of Zach, and heartbreak because I knew that you only had eyes for him;​ and in the end I would never be a romantic option for you, as I was only the occasional friend and chauffeur to you. All of that stowed away anger and heartbreak only served to warp my mind, and in the end I have no one to blame for that but myself. I saw it as the only solution, as I was desperate to keep you as a friend.

You were one of my favorite people. I loved you, loved everything about you, from your gross sense of humor to your weird little OCD tendencies. I even loved the cruel comments you sometimes made at my expense. In a very fucked up way, you were a shining beacon of light in my otherwise dim world. I only wanted to be close to that, but like Icarus, I flew too close to the sun and my wings caught ablaze. In the end I guess I deserved to burn for all the terrible things I did and said.

In the end, I should've kept my mouth shut. I should've learned how to feel nothing at all. But, I'm only human, and a fuck-up at that.

You will always have a place in my heart. I've stayed out of your life for long enough, and I plan to keep that indefinite. I will not contact you anymore. I have set up all of my communication devices to prevent me from doing so, out of fear of just making things worse than they already are.

But I would just like to make clear¦ you were a big part of one year of my life. That entire year, no matter what bad shit happened, for most of it I would always look forward to seeing you. When we fought, my heart was always in shreds. I will always carry with me the stigma and the guilt that it was my selfish heart that destroyed our friendship. I wish you the best, and I do not wish to hear from you again. I know that you're going to stay angry with me for years to come and I don't blame you. However, do not turn your anger upon me for trying to get you out of my heart. Like I said before, I feel things with an intensity that you will never know or understand;​ and some of the most intense things I ever felt were from you.

Have a good life, my friend. I truly mean that.