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12/3
To My current girlfriend and myself,
My online confession. I do not know if I should tell her, or carry this secret to the grave:

I was asked at work to help a friend and co-worker move to another apartment. As it turns out, this guy Tom we work with (who I also suspected had feelings for her) managed to catch wind of this, and he and his brother volunteered and came over that weekend to help her move as well.

She told me this and I was furious. I secretly dreamed of dating her almost every day, and I was a worm to not take action. I looked at that day as being OURS and maybe even asking her out. Even now I realize my hesitance was my deeper regret. I never liked this guy, and never talked to him much. It was probably because I felt like there was competition. I'm sure without her involved, I would've been polite, perhaps even a friend to him.

No one had any idea but I arranged it so the last few boxes of stuff (that had clothes, jewelry, etc) ended up with Tom.. Earlier when everyone was outside I stole a few pieces of what I valued as expensive jewelry and put them into my pocket. I loaded up the rest of her stuff in my car and drove to the new place alone.

Amongst the chaos of setting things up and bringing boxes in, I went to the couch where Tom's jacket was, and put the stolen jewelry into his pocket. After a few hours of organization, setting up the TV, computer, etc, I was able to get a minute alone with her and looked as serious as I could.

"Listen..I came in the room this afternoon to see if Tom needed anything and I saw him going through your stuff. He was putting things in his pocket. "

I'm usually quite honest, and I have an honest look to me. Jealously drives a man to do horrible things. I convinced her he was shifty and she should not have trusted him. I also convinced her to avoid calling him out on it and instead to simply let me bring him outside so she could search his pocket alone and reclaim her possessions.

It was risky.

After this plan was set in motion and executed flawlessly, she gave me a dead serious look as white as chalk when I came back in. I noticed her attitude towards Tom and his brother was much different. I felt horrible but relieved at the same time. We wrapped things up and I offered to stay late to help setup stuff, which she agreed, and Tom / brother left.

We had dinner and discussed things. I said she should avoid putting her trust in too many people and "Good thing I caught that!". How ironic. She was really grateful and sincerely believed me. Looking back now it was pretty incredible almost like something out of a soap opera.

Nothing more came out of that night except a "thank you" and a hug. She told me I was a good friend. A FRIEND. Some friend, I guess.

I wont go on except to say that we have now been dating for over a year and I still cannot bring myself to tell her. I fear our relationship will be completely ruined if I do. I have changed for the better from the person I once was, and try to atone for my actions by being an overly nice guy to her and even to Tom, but I still feel regret in my heart.

What should I do?
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From Alex
On Dec 3 2010 at 11:49pm, April wrote:
Don'​t tell her you would be a creep. You are a creep for doing that btw.
On Dec 4 2010 at 12:35am, Mike wrote:
If you told her, I think she would find you really repulsive. Imagine she then winds up dating Tom?
On Dec 4 2010 at 12:44am, BD wrote:
Like a BOSS!
On Dec 4 2010 at 12:44am, K wrote:
make sure that you never do anything like that again, cuz it'​s super shitty and i would deck you if i saw you
On Dec 4 2010 at 12:45am, Christos wrote:
Completely rotten behavior but it'​s amazing you pulled it off and are dating her.



It would'​ve been so much nicer if you just asked her out to a movie you nerd
On Dec 4 2010 at 6:02am, sam wrote:
That is plain evil, She needs to know the truth about you so she can dump you as soon as possible
On Dec 8 2010 at 11:22pm, Whatever wrote:
Just keep it to yourself and accept that now you have a relationship with this girl. Don'​t sweat that first part, even if it was near the beginning of things. I don'​t think she'​s with you because you ratted out a potential jewelry thief. She'​s with you because she finds you attractive somehow.
On Dec 19 2010 at 2:36pm, Tom wrote:
lol "​somehow"​
On Jan 26 2011 at 5:04pm, Matt wrote:
Good Job! Ingenious! I need to figure out a similar way to trick strippers into having sex with me. BRAVO!
On Jun 8 2011 at 11:36pm, M wrote:
I wonder if her attraction to you was fundamentally based on your first falsely heroic actions on her behalf. I am sad to say, desperate as you were to be with her it seems you made yourself a villain and based on that you may not deserve her. What you did was so wrong and you know that because it is eating at your conscience all the time now. Your poor behavior has tainted your relationship....what otherwise could have been ideal is now dirty in a fundamental way because of what you'​ve done. I can say with personal authority that the universe seeks balance usually, I believe in karma and it will come around to you in some way. You should resign yourself to accept what will come to you as your repayment for this. I feel sad for you that you wouldn'​t just ask her out. I feel sad for the Tom guy and I feel sad for your girlfriend because this would be an embarrassing and hurtful thing to discover. Unless you are prepared to come clean to Tom also, I don'​t know that you should tell her. I do believe that you should try to make right somehow in some real way. Good that you aired this at least here because it'​s too toxic to keep inside by yourself. Best luck.

(This includes comments or if someone has accepted/rejected an apology)
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