..For being so awesome!

I am really not a male whore..I just look like one!

Each day I find myself getting more and more angry that you slept with other girls before we started dating. I know this doesn't make sense, but I am so bitter I want to just hurt you. I am sorry how terrible I've been, and this is the reason why. I'm going to have to figure this out but I don't know what to do. Why couldn't you be a virgin? I hate you.

I sank to my lowest last week. While walking in NYC near my apartment, I came across one of those foreign vendors who sell stuff on the tables. While they were helping a customer, I really liked one of the scarves they had, but did not want to pay. I slid it off the side of the table and then kept walking and then put it in my bag. Oh well.. I feel bad but I guess not bad enough to have returned it or paid for it.

I'm sorry that Francesco's bowl in the sink stinks up the joint.

I'm so sorry because I spat on Pascal's Tupper-Ware even having a cold... Poor viruses, now jumping inside Pascal's tummy.

Hey sweetie!!! I am sorry but I have to come clean. When you asked what that horrible smell was, I said it was the baby, but in reality it was me. I just kept farting and found it really convenient to blame little Bobby.

That's not the first time I blamed it on him, and probably not the last, but I was hoping you could forgive me because I'm the breadwinner and i'm just so good-looking.

Just want to say sorry to South Korea for blowing up their Warship, you guys got too close to our maritime borders, so we had to send over a mini-sub to blow that fucker clear outta the water, killed 47 people, rest in pieces..sorry world, please don't hate us?

For leaving my bowl in the kitchen sink for months

Please forgive me for stealing your two handed sword.

i'M SORRY

I am sorry to those girls that I was with consecutively the same day without showering. But I know sometimes sharing is caring. So do know I care.

I feel bad that I spent half the day today watching videos on youtube and going outside to take phone calls.

Uhh, anybody can get it and I ain't got a problem taking care of the witness! (I ain't got a problem with THAT!)

I'm NOT sorry!

When you weren't looking I took the tips off the bar to pay for my drink when you came back haha!! So filthy