Tonight while at the gym I started walking towards the nearest empty elliptical (which was pretty far) and a horrific fart came on. I couldn't contain it, and it got released like a bad virus outbreak. I crop-dusted like 8 people before finally realizing it was going to be obvious it was me since the stank cloud would be still around me.

I pretended I had to do something and walked back (double crop-dusting) and went into the bathroom and got some water from the fountain.

When I came back another elliptical opened up on another row, so I took that one.

A few years ago I came over and you made huge canoli tray for a party. When Tal was outside I ate over 10 and then rearranged the tray so it looked evenly spaced. No one noticed but it was one of those guilty but satisfying kinda things.

In our battle to outdo each other for the Christmas decorations last year, I was the one who knocked over your reindeer and unplugged your tree lights.

I apologize for getting toast crumbs all up in your butter.

Very sorry for changing the lock to our door like that. I thought I'd be home earlier to give you the new key. I will buy you your favorite spare rib/fried rice lunch special from the Chinese place in an act of atonement.

I'm *so* sorry for leaving your Starcraft 2 game on the train in the shopping bag. I'm glad we were able to find it!

Note to reader: We were able to get it back after a few hours and another train ride I took (alone)

Emmy I'm sorry I stepped on your toes so much when we were at that wedding!! I hope they're ok!

Hey sweetie!!! I am sorry but I have to come clean. When you asked what that horrible smell was, I said it was the baby, but in reality it was me. I just kept farting and found it really convenient to blame little Bobby.

That's not the first time I blamed it on him, and probably not the last, but I was hoping you could forgive me because I'm the breadwinner and i'm just so good-looking.

I still feel bad about last week, and wanted to publicly apologize for lying to you. I think it's still funny that I said I was sick and went to the same party you tried inviting me to.

...I didn't think our "other" circles of friends would cause this sort of coincidence. Again I'm really sorry I don't lie much but I just didn't want to hurt you by saying I couldn't come to your friend's party because I'd rather go to mine. I should've just asked you where it was first before lying and this whole thing would've been easier lol.

Please accept my apology for throwing all that bird feed on you in the middle of Saint Mark's Square. I wish more pigeons had landed on you but it still made for a good laugh - even when that guy chased us away!

Yours truly,
Lewis

yo man, sry that i cut your hair to bold styleee :D haha sorry maan, reaaally

Randy,

Sorry you let me copy your test (verbatim) and I got a much higher grade on it than you did. All I did was reword the sentence structure and change a few words haha.

Mike

Mike I am very sorry that my kids keep messing up my computer. I know its a pain for you to have to keep fixing it. I appreciate your kindness.

Sal

I'm real sorry I beat your entire clan in call of duty with me and a few scrubs. When you're ready to step your game up lmk!!

-xFiya

Im sorry for being a buttface!